A Letter To My Past, Present, And Future Self

Dear Self,
(Past, Present, and Future)

I know you are tired of fighting
But maybe if you fight a little harder, they will notice you
If you just tell them how much they mean to you one more time
If you just try a little harder
Maybe if you weren’t so awkward
If you cut your hair
If you weren’t so skinny
If you didn’t look so tired
If your eyes weren’t hazel
If you just change the way you dress
If you just try a little harder
Maybe if you can convince your friends that this is worth the risk
Maybe if you leave the door open eventually they will come in
Maybe they will see you, the way you see them

Dear Self,

No.
It’s time to stop fighting
Maybe if they would just fight a little harder, you would notice them
If they just try a little harder
They will laugh at every bad joke
Because they want to see you smile
They will run their hands through your hair
See the way it is lined with gold in the summer
They will love every scar and angle of your body
Because every scar is a story, and every angle is a part of who you are
They will see that your eyes turn green when you are happy
They won’t understand what the third button is for either
If they just try a little harder
They will convince your friends that they will be as careful with your heart as you deserve
Because your friends aren’t going anywhere
They will wait as long as it takes for you to answer the door
Because if they aren’t willing to knock, they don’t deserve to come in
Maybe then you will see yourself, the way you see them